A lesson in humility and surrender
I talk a lot on here about intention, and focusing on what we do have control over. We always have some sort of control, even if it’s only control over our reactions, control over our thoughts, control over how we choose to treat others, the attitudes we have, and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s going on. There’s so much we don’t have control over in life, and yet, I think the more intentional a person is, the harder it could become when that control is stripped away.
My life at present has come to teach me a very important lesson about control and humility. At the time of this post, I’m 15 weeks pregnant, and I’m finding that I have less control than ever over my body, over my appetite, and the way that I feel. Health is a very important thing to me. I try to take care of my body by eating clean foods, exercising, taking breaks when needed, drinking lots of water, and maintaining a balanced life. My body, in the past, has rewarded me for the care I provide to it. I’m used to feeling light and energetic, and healthy. But recently, I have had no control over how I feel. I’ve been nauseous, feeling heavy and sluggish and sick, no matter what I eat. My appetite is all over the place. The foods I used to eat make my stomach turn right now and my body is undergoing change at an extraordinary rate. Not only that but we always thought we would be having a girl and I just found out surprise, we are having a boy.
I officially know nothing. I have no control, but to surrender to this process and trust that everything is unfolding the way it’s supposed to. I would absolutely not categorize myself as a type-A person, and for the most part, I’m pretty go with the flow, but I do have my lifestyle designed according to my values, and these changes have been ungrounding. All of a sudden the only foods I can eat without wanting to vomit are unhealthy, heavy foods, foods that clash with my values. My yoga practice is different, my body doesn’t perform the way it used to and so many things feel new. I feel like I have less control than I ever have, and yet I still have control over my reactions, my attitude, my thoughts, and the story I tell myself about the situation. I am humbled, and I am reminded how little control we have sometimes, how little I know about life in the grand scheme of things, and how grateful I am for all of the support I receive on a daily basis from friends, family and my dear sweet husband. Life is hard sometimes, and it’s also beautiful, but it’s for sure humbling, and easier to navigate when you don’t have to do it alone. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation where you feel like so much is out of your control, it might be time to surrender and just trust that everything is happening the way it should.