Lessons in surrender
More and more I feel like I’m beginning to understand the inevitability of change on a deeper, soul level. There are some lessons in life which you must experience and feel in order to understand. We can hear something repeatedly but it takes root when we come to experience it. Change is one of these life lessons. There are all these cliched sayings about it such as “the only thing constant is change”. But it’s true. Change is happening all of the time, not only around us but also on a cellular level. We can’t stop it, we can only surrender to it and accept change as something inevitable.
The problem, I’ve experienced, is how we as humans with our natural attachments, passions, and affinities, relate to change when it involves something we love. In yoga, it’s said that everything we love will eventually lead to our suffering, because at some point we will lose it. Since everything changes, the things we love will change too, and at some point leave our lives. The more we love these things, the more we will suffer when they are gone.
Interestingly, we can become attached to things that we don’t love but feel comfortable because they have been the norm for so long. We can resist positive change as a result of our desire to seek comfort over happiness. We can stay in unhealthy relationships, seek unhealthy modes of comfort, or self-medicate with drugs/alcohol because of this attachment to comfort.
Some of us do better with change than others. Some of us have learned through childhood experiences that change was positive, and for others, change was negative. Early experiences can influence how tightly we cling to that which we find comfortable, but all of us resist change on some level because change is uncomfortable. All change brings some level of anxiety, and uncertainty, and discomfort. To acknowledge this can be liberating.
Through my pregnancy this inevitability of change has become all too apparent and it has been a very good lesson in surrender and letting go. EVERYTHING is changing in my life. My body is changing not only in how it looks, but also how it feels. The fact that I’ve felt sick through most of my pregnancy has revealed my attachment to feeling healthy, and energetic. I’ve had to surrender and accept how I’ve felt, remind myself it’s temporary, and continue living my life. My yoga practice, something that has been a big part of my life, something that I love, and that has seemed to love me back, has also drastically changed with my pregnancy. All of a sudden, how I approached yoga had to change as I couldn’t expect the same things from my body any longer. In the final weeks of my pregnancy, my activity and productivity levels have dropped as I’ve had to take more rest for my body, modify my physical activity, and adjust my sleep habits to accommodate my body’s needs. Taking my dog for walks and cleaning the house feel like challenges. And, as Matt and I become parents, more will change in our lives. Though our lives will grow in ways we can’t expect, we will also lose parts of it, and most likely mourn those losses. This is ok and this is normal.
Everything changes. Such is life. And we can’t do anything to stop it. The best we can do is surrender, accept change when it occurs, and go with the flow of life. Surrender has been my mantra through these past few months and it has saved me. I believe we all need that mantra from time to time and perhaps especially during these times.